To those I have recently offended or to whom I am likely to offend sometime soon. I now apologize. I was assigned to give this talk to help me do better in this regard. To help me remember, that despite my weakness and failings, that there is another person, our elder brother, who can and will step in and make everything clear and right, who can and will reconcile us back to God and with our fellow man, who can take and fix all wrongs and remove and correct all faults - if we but let him in.
At Christmas time we often sing the familiar hymn, number 209, which includes these words in it's first verse: “Hark! the herald angels sing: Glory to the newborn King! Peace on earth and mercy mild, God and sinners reconciled!” The word reconciled means 'to bring back together', in this case - to bring us back together with our Creator, finding a way for us to be able to return from where we are now and get to, one day, be where He is in His Celestial glory and home.
In the New Testament we are taught by Paul in his epistles to the early saints in Rome, Corinth and Ephesus:
As it was with the saints in former times, so it is with us today. Sometimes bad feelings arise between us and we need to reconcile our differences to get back on the true path. Elder Bednar makes the point that 'being offended is a choice that we make'. He put it this way in his 2006 conference talk, saying: “Certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offence. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else." (Bednar, "And Nothing Shall Offend Them," Ensign, Nov 2006)
Have you ever been hurt by something that was said or by the way that something was said or perhaps even by something that was left unsaid? Although occasionally these types of comments or situations can be intentional, I contend that in most cases, likely the majority of the time, the true intent of the comment by the speaker was totally misunderstood as received by the listener.
In fact, as I pondered on this topic, I realized that in most cases it was not me that had been offended or had taken offence. Quite the contrary: I must now come to conclude that, perhaps, it was all about me after all. I am most often the one causing others to take offence. I am personally guilty of trying to be funny from time to time, often with unintended results. Occasionally what I thought might be hilarious in my head gets delivered to the world somewhat differently when spoken outside my head. For example: When assigned to give this talk on taking offence, my first thought was on how to work that topic into a joke – like saying, 'my back fence is missing and I wonder if any one had taken it' .. I would benefit greatly in these 'cricket silently chirping in the background' moments to have another person step in and clarifiy or explain the joke on my behalf .. “What Roger meant to say was ..” or “That was a failed attempt at a joke, and the reason that was supposed to be funny is ..”.
- Choose to be Reconciled -
Consider what Paul and Nephi and Jacob have taught us already: that there is another person who can and will step in and make everything clear and right, who can and will reconcile us back to God and with our fellow man, who can take and fix all wrongs and remove and correct all faults - if we but let him in. His atonement for each and for all of us permits him to step in and to make everything right, if we so choose. We have to choose him and his way by faith, repentance, baptism and by receiving and following the Holy Spirit, by making and keeping covenants.
- Other thoughts -
One time a while back at the Pharmacy, where I spend my days, a worker was heard to say to another worker, “I just have to take care of this fat one first”, just as a larger boned customer approached the service desk. .. What that customer could not see from her vantage point was that that worker was focusing on finishing up counting some rather large pills – which she unfortunately chose to describe out loud as 'fat ones' and really had yet to notice that the customer had approached the counter.
On another occasion, we realized our shop tech-talk may have been unintentionally misunderstood. We provide a service at the pharmacy where we accept and collect expired our unused/unneeded medications and eventually send them off to be properly disposed of. We started referring to these expired medications as the 'dead drugs'. I can recall the look on the face of a family member, upon bringing her recently dearly departed parents' no longer needed pill pack medications to us for disposal, after having the clerk serving her say, “No problem, we'll just put these all in our 'dead drug' pile”. Of course the clerk just meant that unfortunate label to refer to the pills and not to the person's dearly departed mortal status. Soon thereafter we decided to try to simply refer to these types of medications as 'expired or unneeded' ..
These are cases of unintentionally or even unknowingly saying or doing or even just thinking things that hurt others feelings. But what if it is intentionally hurtful? Some of you have experienced attending high school. For myself, my family moved to Magrath when I was starting my 11th grade in high school. While on balance my experience there was very positive, there were some who must have been jealous of my rugged good looks (back when I still had hair). In shop class some of the non-member boys took to calling me 'preacher boy' – I know, how mean was that! Given my current assignment here today; perhaps they were somewhat prophetic. But at the time it really bothered me. Here I was in a class of 90% mormon classmates and I was being singled out with what I considered then to be an unflattering name. Being called names was bad enough, but what really bothered me was that none of the other kids stood up for me back then. That was in 1975. I attended our 40th MHS high school reunion last year and realized that some of those ill feelings were still there! I decided it was time to let it go and ended up having a nice visit with many of those I had been fostering ill-will with for these past 4 decades. Of course they had no idea how it had been affecting me. They had just forgotten it and moved on with their lives. So should have I. So should we.
Elder Dieter F Uchdorf put it this way in his pivotal Apr 2012 conference talk: “When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it! It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgemental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters.” (Uchdorf "The Merciful Obtain Mercy" Ensign, May 2012)
I now want to share a story about Jean Marc. This young man is currently serving a mission in Toronto Canada. I first met him when he assigned with his father to be one of our home teachers. He is just a little different than some. His mother describes him as 'high functioning autistic'. He is a bit impulsive, but very nice overall. When we were at Trek 2014, he was assigned to a nearby family group. He would pop by our campfire to pour unknown liquids or spray insect repellent into the fire and make it 'blow up real good'. My daughter was in his kin-family group and later related this to me: Two of the trek mothers were visiting and the one asked the other what the big hole behind the tent was being dug for. It was supposed to be to bury a dutch oven for our Sunday meal – but her telling response: (big sigh) it's for Jean Marc ..
Last Sunday his mother was among many asked to report on their missionaries. With her permission, I would like to share a story from her report on how he is doing out there. She shared the story of the turban. One morning Jean Marc got up and announced to his companion that “Elder, we need to get a turban and learn how to tie and wear it”. They were working in an area where many happen to wear this type of headgear. His companion did not think that was a good idea. He later mentioned it in his report the the Mission President. The Mission President responded, saying: “Elder, your companion thinks a little differently than most, but he is also called of God and is entitled to inspiration just like any other missionary. Maybe you need to listen to him.” So the next preparation day, they went out and bought a turban and practised tying and wearing it in their apartment all day. About a week later the Mission President called and said he felt impressed to ask them to change their normal routine and to to go out street contacting. On the third door they knocked on, they happened to encounter a man wearing a turban. He said thank you but that he was not interested. Jean Marc then said: “If I can show you I can tie and wear a turban better than you, will you let us share a message with you?” and then continued; “I have one right here in my backpack!” to which is companion was said to respond “Elder, you didn't ..” “Yes, I did”. They ended up being able to visit with that man. At the end of the lesson, he told them he still wasn't really interested, but that his brother was actually a member of our church and that he had a wife of 18 years that was not a member. “Maybe you should go show them your turban trick”. They got the referral information and ended up meeting with that family and the wife ended up joining the church. The Lord knows what he is doing and can use any of us to accomplish his work if we just allow him to use us.
I wanted to share this story with you 1) because it was amazing and 2) because of my assigned topic this month. Jean Marc ends up in lots of stories where the teller ends up smiling and rolling his or her eyes. Because it is so easy to make fun or put down those who are just a little different or difficult to understand or to deal with. I wonder if we have inadvertently offended him or his family members, even just a little bit, by these actions, attitudes and stories.
Again, we need to “Stop it! It’s that simple. We have to stop judging others and replace judgemental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters.”
To those I have recently offended or to whom I am likely to offend sometime soon. I now apologize. I was assigned to give this talk to help me do better in this regard. To help me remember, that despite my weakness and failings, that there is another person, our elder brother, who can and will step in and make everything clear and right, who can and will reconcile us back to God and with our fellow man, who can take and fix all wrongs and remove and correct all faults - if we but let him in.
This is my testimony in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen
In the New Testament we are taught by Paul in his epistles to the early saints in Rome, Corinth and Ephesus:
- in Romans 5:10 “For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.”
- in 2 Corinthians 5:18-20 “God, who hath reconciled us to himself by Jesus Christ, and hath given to us the ministry of reconciliation; 19 God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation. 20 God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ’s stead, be ye reconciled to God.”
- in Ephesians 2:16,19 “And that he might reconcile both unto God in one body by the cross, having slain the enmity thereby: [..] 19 Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God;”
- Nephi wrote (2 Nephi 25:23) “For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.”
- Jacob continued the thought, saying (2 Nephi 10:24) “reconcile yourselves to the will of God, and not to the will of the devil and the flesh; and remember, after ye are reconciled unto God, that it is only in and through the grace of God that ye are saved.”
- Jacob 4:11 “Wherefore, beloved brethren, be reconciled unto him through the atonement of Christ, his Only Begotten Son, and ye may obtain a resurrection, according to the power of the resurrection which is in Christ, and be presented as the first-fruits of Christ unto God, having faith, and obtained a good hope of glory in him ..”
- Mediator — The Guide to the Scriptures God and man. [Christ's] atonement made possible a way for people to repent of their sins and become reconciled to God.
As it was with the saints in former times, so it is with us today. Sometimes bad feelings arise between us and we need to reconcile our differences to get back on the true path. Elder Bednar makes the point that 'being offended is a choice that we make'. He put it this way in his 2006 conference talk, saying: “Certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offence. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else." (Bednar, "And Nothing Shall Offend Them," Ensign, Nov 2006)
Have you ever been hurt by something that was said or by the way that something was said or perhaps even by something that was left unsaid? Although occasionally these types of comments or situations can be intentional, I contend that in most cases, likely the majority of the time, the true intent of the comment by the speaker was totally misunderstood as received by the listener.
In fact, as I pondered on this topic, I realized that in most cases it was not me that had been offended or had taken offence. Quite the contrary: I must now come to conclude that, perhaps, it was all about me after all. I am most often the one causing others to take offence. I am personally guilty of trying to be funny from time to time, often with unintended results. Occasionally what I thought might be hilarious in my head gets delivered to the world somewhat differently when spoken outside my head. For example: When assigned to give this talk on taking offence, my first thought was on how to work that topic into a joke – like saying, 'my back fence is missing and I wonder if any one had taken it' .. I would benefit greatly in these 'cricket silently chirping in the background' moments to have another person step in and clarifiy or explain the joke on my behalf .. “What Roger meant to say was ..” or “That was a failed attempt at a joke, and the reason that was supposed to be funny is ..”.
- Choose to be Reconciled -
Consider what Paul and Nephi and Jacob have taught us already: that there is another person who can and will step in and make everything clear and right, who can and will reconcile us back to God and with our fellow man, who can take and fix all wrongs and remove and correct all faults - if we but let him in. His atonement for each and for all of us permits him to step in and to make everything right, if we so choose. We have to choose him and his way by faith, repentance, baptism and by receiving and following the Holy Spirit, by making and keeping covenants.
- Other thoughts -
One time a while back at the Pharmacy, where I spend my days, a worker was heard to say to another worker, “I just have to take care of this fat one first”, just as a larger boned customer approached the service desk. .. What that customer could not see from her vantage point was that that worker was focusing on finishing up counting some rather large pills – which she unfortunately chose to describe out loud as 'fat ones' and really had yet to notice that the customer had approached the counter.
On another occasion, we realized our shop tech-talk may have been unintentionally misunderstood. We provide a service at the pharmacy where we accept and collect expired our unused/unneeded medications and eventually send them off to be properly disposed of. We started referring to these expired medications as the 'dead drugs'. I can recall the look on the face of a family member, upon bringing her recently dearly departed parents' no longer needed pill pack medications to us for disposal, after having the clerk serving her say, “No problem, we'll just put these all in our 'dead drug' pile”. Of course the clerk just meant that unfortunate label to refer to the pills and not to the person's dearly departed mortal status. Soon thereafter we decided to try to simply refer to these types of medications as 'expired or unneeded' ..
These are cases of unintentionally or even unknowingly saying or doing or even just thinking things that hurt others feelings. But what if it is intentionally hurtful? Some of you have experienced attending high school. For myself, my family moved to Magrath when I was starting my 11th grade in high school. While on balance my experience there was very positive, there were some who must have been jealous of my rugged good looks (back when I still had hair). In shop class some of the non-member boys took to calling me 'preacher boy' – I know, how mean was that! Given my current assignment here today; perhaps they were somewhat prophetic. But at the time it really bothered me. Here I was in a class of 90% mormon classmates and I was being singled out with what I considered then to be an unflattering name. Being called names was bad enough, but what really bothered me was that none of the other kids stood up for me back then. That was in 1975. I attended our 40th MHS high school reunion last year and realized that some of those ill feelings were still there! I decided it was time to let it go and ended up having a nice visit with many of those I had been fostering ill-will with for these past 4 decades. Of course they had no idea how it had been affecting me. They had just forgotten it and moved on with their lives. So should have I. So should we.
Elder Dieter F Uchdorf put it this way in his pivotal Apr 2012 conference talk: “When it comes to hating, gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm, please apply the following: Stop it! It’s that simple. We simply have to stop judging others and replace judgemental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters.” (Uchdorf "The Merciful Obtain Mercy" Ensign, May 2012)
I now want to share a story about Jean Marc. This young man is currently serving a mission in Toronto Canada. I first met him when he assigned with his father to be one of our home teachers. He is just a little different than some. His mother describes him as 'high functioning autistic'. He is a bit impulsive, but very nice overall. When we were at Trek 2014, he was assigned to a nearby family group. He would pop by our campfire to pour unknown liquids or spray insect repellent into the fire and make it 'blow up real good'. My daughter was in his kin-family group and later related this to me: Two of the trek mothers were visiting and the one asked the other what the big hole behind the tent was being dug for. It was supposed to be to bury a dutch oven for our Sunday meal – but her telling response: (big sigh) it's for Jean Marc ..
Last Sunday his mother was among many asked to report on their missionaries. With her permission, I would like to share a story from her report on how he is doing out there. She shared the story of the turban. One morning Jean Marc got up and announced to his companion that “Elder, we need to get a turban and learn how to tie and wear it”. They were working in an area where many happen to wear this type of headgear. His companion did not think that was a good idea. He later mentioned it in his report the the Mission President. The Mission President responded, saying: “Elder, your companion thinks a little differently than most, but he is also called of God and is entitled to inspiration just like any other missionary. Maybe you need to listen to him.” So the next preparation day, they went out and bought a turban and practised tying and wearing it in their apartment all day. About a week later the Mission President called and said he felt impressed to ask them to change their normal routine and to to go out street contacting. On the third door they knocked on, they happened to encounter a man wearing a turban. He said thank you but that he was not interested. Jean Marc then said: “If I can show you I can tie and wear a turban better than you, will you let us share a message with you?” and then continued; “I have one right here in my backpack!” to which is companion was said to respond “Elder, you didn't ..” “Yes, I did”. They ended up being able to visit with that man. At the end of the lesson, he told them he still wasn't really interested, but that his brother was actually a member of our church and that he had a wife of 18 years that was not a member. “Maybe you should go show them your turban trick”. They got the referral information and ended up meeting with that family and the wife ended up joining the church. The Lord knows what he is doing and can use any of us to accomplish his work if we just allow him to use us.
I wanted to share this story with you 1) because it was amazing and 2) because of my assigned topic this month. Jean Marc ends up in lots of stories where the teller ends up smiling and rolling his or her eyes. Because it is so easy to make fun or put down those who are just a little different or difficult to understand or to deal with. I wonder if we have inadvertently offended him or his family members, even just a little bit, by these actions, attitudes and stories.
Again, we need to “Stop it! It’s that simple. We have to stop judging others and replace judgemental thoughts and feelings with a heart full of love for God and His children. God is our Father. We are His children. We are all brothers and sisters.”
To those I have recently offended or to whom I am likely to offend sometime soon. I now apologize. I was assigned to give this talk to help me do better in this regard. To help me remember, that despite my weakness and failings, that there is another person, our elder brother, who can and will step in and make everything clear and right, who can and will reconcile us back to God and with our fellow man, who can take and fix all wrongs and remove and correct all faults - if we but let him in.
This is my testimony in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen
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